6.16.2009

Thoughts

A lot has happened in the past few days. Some good, some difficult, and most unfocused. I've officially began the summer chaos with my 14 hour work day/ 60 hour work week, and while I love it (most of the time) it is zapping my energy more than I expected. I absolutely love that I have the chance to work at the Boys & Girls Club again, and wouldn't give it up for anything. I also enjoy the Library, but I have the worst attitude about it.
I feel guilty because I have a great job. I have fabulous co-workers (I truly couldn't ask for better ones) and I have a full time job with benefits while many in this country have nothing and are scraping by. So why am I complaining? Because I'm bored. I shouldn't be bored. It's my own fault if I'm bored. Right? I am passionate about the Library. I believe they are essential to our everyday lives (especially in this economy) and provide equality in education to all people. I love talking to people who don't comprehend all the Library has to offer, and making a believer out of them. And nothing beats talking to a child who "hates reading" and "can't find anything in the whole library that interests them" and finding out what they like, and having them leave with an armful of books that they are excited about reading. And to top it off, when that child returns and asks for more books because they've devoured the ones they got before. I love talking to kids about the books that shaped my childhood (I was the wormiest of book worms!) and having them tell me about the ones they love. These moments make my day wonderful, but they are scattered throughout the days and weeks, and I thrive in a more fast paced environment.
Perhaps I have been spoiled by the Clubs. There aren't many jobs that have you moving non-stop, and when you do have a moment to "relax" and sit, you realize that it's the first time in many hours, and it doesn't last long before someone needs something. I know there are many people who don't think that type of job sounds appealing, but for me it sounds like everything. I have been told that I made a wise decision by quitting the Club and going back to BSU to finish my degree, but sometimes I wonder if that's true. If the Club is where I want to work, (at least a "Club -like" place) is my degree necessary? My degree helped me to obtain my position at the Library. What a Catch 22.
Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. I look back on my life and can point out certain moments in my life that I thought for sure were mistakes, but now I can see that without those "mistakes" I wouldn't have obtained *enter great obtainment here.
I need to be content. I yearn to be content, and I know that without ever learning to be content, I will always be looking for the next big thing. I don't want to live my life always looking for the change. I want to be fulfilled and happy where I am, and be fully thankful for what I have.
God has blessed my life in so many ways that I couldn't even begin to list them. I need to focus on His blessings and let the rest fall into place.

Things I am Thankful for Today:
~laughter (particularly belly laughs)
~friendly shoulders to lean on
~thinking out loud to work through messes
~expressions through art
~being important to somebody
~beautiful eyes that i could stare into all day