So in bulleted form, here's where my mind and heart have been focused the past few weeks:
- I truly believed that he and I were together for the long haul. And even more naively I believed that he felt the same.
- I focus on the "frills," "fluff," and "good" in life. Reality hits me hard.
- There's something in me that doesn't believe I deserve a loving and fulfilled relationship. I can finally admit to myself that I seek out partnerships that are unbalanced and unhealthy, and I'm sick of it. I've started counseling to work through this.
- My pattern is to focus outward and take care of others, especially when something goes "wrong." In the past I would change jobs, move, or seek a rebound relationship to focus on. This time I am forcing myself to sit in it. Learn from it. And forgive myself.
- I've decided the healthiest thing I can do in all of this is focus on me, and what I need. I joined Team in Training and began training for the Portland Half Marathon. I'm walking and running more, starting to work with a nutrition counselor, and strength training at least twice a week. I'm already down 8lbs. This is going to be good.
- I've also realized that I have the best girl friends a person could hope for. Each and every one has been there for me and their individual strengths and love for me have shone through. I am eternally grateful for them all, and so very blessed.
So there you have it.
The past few weeks have housed the most difficult, emotional and painful days I have experienced, ever. At the beginning I couldn't imagine my life without communication with my best friend and his two amazing children, but over time I've realized that I'm stronger than that. I am a whole and complete person, and I will persevere through the shit.
Now on to the positive stuff! I had an amazing weekend!
Friday I met up with the lovely Miss Heather at Le Happy. Le Happy is a cute little hole in the wall creperie that quickly became our favorite when I moved here a year ago. Whenever we need to girl talk, celebrate, or console, Le Happy is our place. We had lovely discussions, and while sitting outside with the perfect breeze blowing, a glass of wine in my hand and smile on my face... I remembered just how blessed I am.
Saturday was wonderful as well! It began with meeting my new TEAM and getting 4 miles in on the training log. My new coach, Sue, has the most contagious energy and it was wonderful to chat with her and get to know her passion for the mission! She insisted on taking pictures of me with my new TEAMmates along the course, so the following images are courtesy of her:
*As a side note, it's not often that I have photos of myself since I'm usually the one behind the camera, but I noticed a difference in my body and face in all of these. I still have a ways to go, but I'm genuinely happy with my progress!
The rest of Saturday was filled with chats with my friends Bee (The Spicy Bee) and Kayla (Fit Life Forward). We started out at Grand Central Bakery in Multnomah Village and chatted over coffee and yummies, after a few hours we moved on to Ikea and got lost in inspiration and the excitement of new home decor. During this healing process I've decided to make over my apartment. I met The Guy the day I received my keys, and he's been the only one who's spent any real time here, so everything in it holds a memory of him. Going to Ikea was the perfect motivation for fresh memories and decor. I've started with new bedding, a few picture frames, and a Dragon Tree named Drake.
The red and white striped is something I wouldn't normally choose, and therefore it's perfect! I have big plans for the front room too, so stay tuned on those changes!
Sunday was spent with all my blogging friends at the Portland Blogger Family Picnic. It was a great turnout with sunshine, blue skies, and lots of yummy picnic foods. I always love when we all get together, especially when families (aka adorable babies) are included. I was the event photographer, so be on the lookout for lots of fun photos on my studio blog soon!
How was your weekend? Any exciting news to share?